It's Not Just a Ball Game Anymore

The only thing worse than listening to Frank deFord deliver sports commentary is eating two Klonopins and still having to deal with the demon tap dancing on my chest in the middle of the night.

It's not about sports. The Sabres are 3-0 and peering high over the mighty Ottawa Senators in the standings. The Bills arent the worst team in football as long as we havent seen the San Andreas drop the left end of California out into the ocean. We're in the juicy heart of the football season, where there are more hopes than dreams, and more contenders than failures, and even the failures have backup quarterbacks for the 2nd half. The Mets are playing well, and if the team of destiny this year is the Detroit Tigers, the Mets look to be in good shape come Halloween.

Sure, corporate conglomerates are eating their prey, chased only by the occasional speedy red ghost of Google. The last time I was in a courtroom, I actually came out on top, and my wife still looks great in the middle of the night when one of the boys vomits up his ice cream and we need to change the sheets. Speaking of the boys, we're finally starting to score goals in the U6 league, and we're playing it clean, unlike the bastard green team throwing elbows and tackling.

It's no wonder the demon hasnt broken camp yet. Everyone's getting marginalized now. Even the bad boys are beginning to smell the real dangers out there. Even the fat republicans and the evil cohorts of superpower megacorporations are crying for justice.

Thats when you know it's bad. Thats when the demon brings out the iron stakes.

It was only a matter of time before we got to this point. You cant push everyone out the door who walks in your office without eventually pushing everyone out of your office. You can seek to marginalize your enemies, like we've marginalized the poor, the dark, the strange, but it's a heavily guarded road that takes you in that direction. There is no entrance. There are no new partners in crime, and eventually everyone is marginalized, and then what happens? There becomes a point when the quantity of people you oppose necessarily outnumbers the digits of your horde, and while it's not a one-to-one comparison - you can fight a billion people with a million bucks - eventually, the people will weigh you down. Because people @!$%# each other at a much higher rate than the Fed can deal with, and interest is slow to catch up to the maternity wards.

If the San Andreas fault doesnt give out due to the Earth's mechanical fussiness, it will eventually do so simply due to the weight of humanity. Global warming as a real threat now. We might actually blow this @!$%# up from the inside instead of waiting for the sun to drag us down. Even the morons are starting to realize that you cant contain a maniac, that you cant fix crazy, that you cant save all the children, and that even Jesse James got shot in the back.

It's time for us to be led by someone with brains bigger than his wife tells him his balls are. It's time for regime change. It's time to recoup our losses, so to speak. And I think you know what I mean.

In the meantime, I'm not making anymore football predictions. I'm too close, emotionally, to the situation. In football, I'm sticking to fandom.

In life, however, I'm going to play. And use my elbows. And tackle and gouge.

It's now or never.

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